Recognizing Fulfillment When It Arrives

Three weeks ago, I led a two-day virtual meditation retreat, and as often happens, the full effect of that retreat has revealed itself over time.

Nothing particularly remarkable occurred during the retreat. We sat in meditation and I simply remained easy and free. I experienced ease and contentment, even though my mind was often active and my body was tired and uncomfortable at times.

In the two weeks since the retreat, I have found myself dipping in and out of a very deeply relaxed state of consciousness. When I am busy and focused, I am not as aware of it, but as soon as there is nothing I am paying attention to, that free-floating sense of awareness comes right back along with a mildly ecstatic energetic buzz that seems to go along with it.

The overall effect of this state of being is a deep sense of satisfaction with life. I have many moments of recognition of being totally satisfied with the experience of being alive. It is not that everything in my life is perfect or that there are things I want to improve, but beyond the particulars, I feel deeply content with life in general.

The sense of deep contentment allows me to relax control, and my heart and mind seem to naturally expand to fill all available space. It is as if I am completely full within the spiritual, psychological, and emotional space that I occupy.

As this experience has continued, I remembered speaking recently with a spiritual counselor that I trust who told me that she could see me working with a higher-dimensional female entity that I thought might be St. Teresa of Avila. She said that this being is working with me in an unusual way by taking an active part in the shaping of my future self. It seems that one cycle of soul development has come to an end, and a new cycle, that requires a new sense of self to navigate, is beginning.

Although it resonated when I first heard this, I didn't match any experience I was having at the time. I realize now that I am experiencing exactly what the counselor said was happening. I am feeling a depth of spiritual fulfillment that liberates me from any need to work on, or pursue anything.

This sense of fulfillment is my future self taking shape in the present moment. That is not to say that this expanded self did not exist before. It has always been here, but I wasn’t fully conscious of it. This new self is not emerging. I am becoming conscious of it.

One thing that I want to point out is a lesser-talked-about reality of spiritual life. When we enter the path, and for the early years, we often have dramatic breakthroughs. These are the mind-bending realizations that compel us to devote ourselves to spiritual work and keep us moving during those crucial early years, when our commitment and dedication can waver.

One of the reasons those early realizations are so dramatic is because the lives that we were living before having them often do not reflect the new spiritual sensibilities we have awakened to. Speaking for myself, I entered spiritual pursuits from a life that was much more aligned with the materialistic values and social norms that I grew up in, than my life is today. The spiritual experiences I had initially were dramatic in part because of the intensity of contrast between those experiences and the life I was living.

When we have been on the path for many years, or even decades, our lives inevitably come to reflect the higher spiritual possibilities that we have awakened to. We continue to have spiritual breakthroughs, but they do not stand in such profound contrast with the life we are living, and it is easy to underappreciate them or miss them altogether.

The experience of spiritual fulfillment that I have now does not feel like a dramatic shift. In a certain way, it is not that different from what I was experiencing before, yet it is different. The difference is subtle, but it is there. I encourage you look into your own experience to see if you are feeling a new depth of spiritual fulfillment and expanded awareness.